guys are only as good as the porn they watch
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
