we need to drink 2009 down the drain
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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