One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
