Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
