My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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