I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
