FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
