Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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