there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
