I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
4 words: hood of his car
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize