distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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