did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
