So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
