She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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