Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize