I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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