i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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