dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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