i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
