Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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