My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize