Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
