Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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