you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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