Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
as a side note pls kill me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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