There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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