Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
