Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
