My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
