He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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