Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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