Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
