shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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