We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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