Dual....:-)
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
