i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
