What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
