I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
