I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He did a backflip because drugs
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