hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
