did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
