Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
