your parents love me but you hate me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
