I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
