What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize