Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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