I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
