dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I want her autograph on my taint
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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