the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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