everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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