so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
That reminds me...we need to get swords
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
