Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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