just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
