hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
