The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
