just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
