I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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