I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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