Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
