So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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