I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
