She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
