I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
