Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
