What did we do last night that was yellow?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm sobbing to NWA
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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