Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
