jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
