i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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