There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just pynch a tree in the face
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
