kristin has been a bad kristin
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
