Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize