Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
sex in a hospital.. check
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
