the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
