if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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