She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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