I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize