even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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