Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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