Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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