either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
