You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
